"Home," Mules, and the Soul

During the AAC conference and immediately afterward, I had several “big picture” thoughts, one of which would probably sound peculiar to people. The summary was, “It [attending the conference] is like volunteering to be kicked by mules. But in a good way.”

I’ll explain. The emotions that the conference evoked in me were exhausting. I arrived home feeling like I’d barely survived a stampede of some kind, beat up and weak. Concurrently, it was a wonderful feeling. It was purge of emotional toxins. I felt less “alone.” And especially thrilling was the sense that I had reconnected with my Self.

One of my spiritual gurus, scholar Joseph Campbell, used an expression, “the burning point of life.” The phrase refers to those encounters in which a person is engaged in a completely immersed experience of his/her own self—an experience that doesn’t come, for many of us, from going to the office each day. Campbell talked about how, especially in our modern society, most of our daily actions are economically and socially motivated. These actions don’t usually “come out of your life,” he said. [My understanding of how he used the word “life” here means “life force,” or “soul,” or however one might term such an idea.

Now the memories of the conference are faded. While it’s a relief to be resting from the tumultuousness of adoption emotions, life feels rather listless and shallow, too.

Note to self: seek out mule stampede more often.