AAC’s next annual conference is being held in Orlando, Florida, April 14-17. Watch for registration information this coming spring- www.americanadoptioncongress.org
And, a conference closer on the horizon--
Shedding Light on the Adoption Experience, VI
An Educational Conference about Realities: The Lifelong Effects of Adoption and the Need for Family Preservation
September 24-25, 2010, Park Central Hotel, New York City
Presented by:
Adoption Crossroads/Adoption Healing, with
Baby Scoop Era Research Initiative
Origins, Inc. Australia
Origins, Canada
*Noted presenters include Betty Jean Lifton, Joe Soll, Rickie Solinger, Nancy Verrier, Ann Fessler, and many more!
https://www.adoptionhealing.com/Conference/
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Thursday, April 29, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
"Home," Mules, and the Soul
During the AAC conference and immediately afterward, I had several “big picture” thoughts, one of which would probably sound peculiar to people. The summary was, “It [attending the conference] is like volunteering to be kicked by mules. But in a good way.”
I’ll explain. The emotions that the conference evoked in me were exhausting. I arrived home feeling like I’d barely survived a stampede of some kind, beat up and weak. Concurrently, it was a wonderful feeling. It was purge of emotional toxins. I felt less “alone.” And especially thrilling was the sense that I had reconnected with my Self.
One of my spiritual gurus, scholar Joseph Campbell, used an expression, “the burning point of life.” The phrase refers to those encounters in which a person is engaged in a completely immersed experience of his/her own self—an experience that doesn’t come, for many of us, from going to the office each day. Campbell talked about how, especially in our modern society, most of our daily actions are economically and socially motivated. These actions don’t usually “come out of your life,” he said. [My understanding of how he used the word “life” here means “life force,” or “soul,” or however one might term such an idea.
Now the memories of the conference are faded. While it’s a relief to be resting from the tumultuousness of adoption emotions, life feels rather listless and shallow, too.
Note to self: seek out mule stampede more often.
I’ll explain. The emotions that the conference evoked in me were exhausting. I arrived home feeling like I’d barely survived a stampede of some kind, beat up and weak. Concurrently, it was a wonderful feeling. It was purge of emotional toxins. I felt less “alone.” And especially thrilling was the sense that I had reconnected with my Self.
One of my spiritual gurus, scholar Joseph Campbell, used an expression, “the burning point of life.” The phrase refers to those encounters in which a person is engaged in a completely immersed experience of his/her own self—an experience that doesn’t come, for many of us, from going to the office each day. Campbell talked about how, especially in our modern society, most of our daily actions are economically and socially motivated. These actions don’t usually “come out of your life,” he said. [My understanding of how he used the word “life” here means “life force,” or “soul,” or however one might term such an idea.
Now the memories of the conference are faded. While it’s a relief to be resting from the tumultuousness of adoption emotions, life feels rather listless and shallow, too.
Note to self: seek out mule stampede more often.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
AAC- Thinking (and thinking, and thinking...)
No matter how much I think about, or try to understand, the experience of being adopted- I so often land at this one "conclusion"...
"No one is coming back for you, Joy."
No one is coming back for you.
"No one is coming back for you, Joy."
No one is coming back for you.
Monday, April 19, 2010
AAC- Getting the Word Out
A new friend from the AAC conference and I were reflecting on how many folks there could be out there who don't know that support resources such as American Adoption Congress exist. I was reminded of all the time that I was unaware that adoption-healing, and the politics of adoption, were finally being talked about.
Not long after our conversation, I was looking through the American Classifieds paper (that cournecopia of great stuff that you didn't even know you needed) and I came to that awful category, "Adoption". Loving, secure couple seeks to give your infant a wonderful life... all expenses paid, etc. It occured to me what a great place this Adoption section would be to advertise resources such as AAC.
ADOPTEE? BIRTHMOTHER? Resources and emotional support are available...
This type of announcement could run in hometown papers, magazines, etc. American Classifieds would be an example of a grass-roots, low-cost investment. Another benefit of running it in American Classifieds in the Adoption category is that its presence in that section could heighten the awareness of potential adoptive parents, and the public, that adoption has many facets beyond procuring a baby.
I'm really excited about the potential for this idea. I may begin with running an ad directing people to Adoption Experience Workshop....
Not long after our conversation, I was looking through the American Classifieds paper (that cournecopia of great stuff that you didn't even know you needed) and I came to that awful category, "Adoption". Loving, secure couple seeks to give your infant a wonderful life... all expenses paid, etc. It occured to me what a great place this Adoption section would be to advertise resources such as AAC.
ADOPTEE? BIRTHMOTHER? Resources and emotional support are available...
This type of announcement could run in hometown papers, magazines, etc. American Classifieds would be an example of a grass-roots, low-cost investment. Another benefit of running it in American Classifieds in the Adoption category is that its presence in that section could heighten the awareness of potential adoptive parents, and the public, that adoption has many facets beyond procuring a baby.
I'm really excited about the potential for this idea. I may begin with running an ad directing people to Adoption Experience Workshop....
Thursday, April 8, 2010
AAC- Outside Perspectives
In her book, "Trauma and Recovery: From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror," Judith Herman posits that debilitating psychological effects of trauma are the same across the entire range of traumatic experience. (Traumas she discusses in the book include the experience of physical and sexual abuse, warfare, and traumatic events such as accidents and natural disasters, among others.) But Herman also points out that the process of healing from traumas must begin with event-specific therapy- physical abuse survivors work and heal amongst other physical abuse survivors, Katrina survivors with other survivors, etc. Over time, if therapy goes well, survivors comprehend the more universal aspects of trauma as human experience.
The AAC conference included attendees and presenters who were "outsiders" to adoption but were professionals in areas of trauma and recovery. Their insights were valid and valuable. Yet I wondered whether one aspect of their presentations (their presentations of themselves, that is)was problematic, at least for some triad members. Given Judith Herman's observations on the arc of healing from trauma, there could be some triad members who are not "ready" to hear a comment such as, "I'm not a triad member, but I am an incest survivor," for example.
I understand the sentiment behind what's being said, especially after reading Judith Herman's book. By the same token, I personally could not stand among, say, a group of war veterans and say, "I understand where you're at. I'm not a war vet, but I am an adoptee." I'd be interested to hear others' thoughts on this.
I highly recommend Judith Herman's book. ***An important note..."Trauma and Recovery" does not directly address or acknowledge adoption/separation as a form of trauma. However, the adoptee who has connected with and absorbed the concept of having been traumatized by separation will readily identify with the concepts described in the book.
The AAC conference included attendees and presenters who were "outsiders" to adoption but were professionals in areas of trauma and recovery. Their insights were valid and valuable. Yet I wondered whether one aspect of their presentations (their presentations of themselves, that is)was problematic, at least for some triad members. Given Judith Herman's observations on the arc of healing from trauma, there could be some triad members who are not "ready" to hear a comment such as, "I'm not a triad member, but I am an incest survivor," for example.
I understand the sentiment behind what's being said, especially after reading Judith Herman's book. By the same token, I personally could not stand among, say, a group of war veterans and say, "I understand where you're at. I'm not a war vet, but I am an adoptee." I'd be interested to hear others' thoughts on this.
I highly recommend Judith Herman's book. ***An important note..."Trauma and Recovery" does not directly address or acknowledge adoption/separation as a form of trauma. However, the adoptee who has connected with and absorbed the concept of having been traumatized by separation will readily identify with the concepts described in the book.
Monday, April 5, 2010
AAC- "the Outsiders"
Attendees at the recent American Adoption Congress conference included a small number of non-triad-membmers. One of these folks identified herself to me as "an Outsider". The "Outsiders" in attendance were interested, concerned professionals seeking to learn more about the adoption experience.
"If the only ones advocating to abolish slavery had been the slaves, we would still have slavery," the Outsider explained. Her assertion was quickly recognized by AAC veterans, who now plan to reach out to more outside professionals- such as counsellors and attorneys- to strenghen the advocacy movement.
I learned that a few attendees were of the opinion that Ousiders did not belong at the at AAC conferences. Given the highly personal nature of conference sessions, it's understandable that some may feel vulnerable and uncomfortable with people "outside the loop" present. However, I have the impression that this group is a minority, and I speculate that it has much to do with where an individual is at on her/his healing journey.
"Outsiders" were my earliest champions in my search for self. They were, in fact, my only confidants early on. I can't imagine having made my journey without them. My Outsider support network, comprised of both mothers and non-mothers, instinctively understood the devastating problem of separating mother and child. Their support provided a unique validation that the "preacher and the choir" could never impart.
I personally send my deepest thanks to all of the "Outsiders" whose compassion leads them to learn about adoption issues and take the time to engage in advocacy
"If the only ones advocating to abolish slavery had been the slaves, we would still have slavery," the Outsider explained. Her assertion was quickly recognized by AAC veterans, who now plan to reach out to more outside professionals- such as counsellors and attorneys- to strenghen the advocacy movement.
I learned that a few attendees were of the opinion that Ousiders did not belong at the at AAC conferences. Given the highly personal nature of conference sessions, it's understandable that some may feel vulnerable and uncomfortable with people "outside the loop" present. However, I have the impression that this group is a minority, and I speculate that it has much to do with where an individual is at on her/his healing journey.
"Outsiders" were my earliest champions in my search for self. They were, in fact, my only confidants early on. I can't imagine having made my journey without them. My Outsider support network, comprised of both mothers and non-mothers, instinctively understood the devastating problem of separating mother and child. Their support provided a unique validation that the "preacher and the choir" could never impart.
I personally send my deepest thanks to all of the "Outsiders" whose compassion leads them to learn about adoption issues and take the time to engage in advocacy
Thursday, April 1, 2010
AAC- a place for everyone
The recent American Adoption Conference was not the first organized forum on adoption that I have attended. The very first was a Healing Weekend led by Joll Soll of Adoption Crossroads.
Joe's Healing Weekends are incredibly intense, and interpersonal, experiences. I remember trying to anticipate what the experince would be like, and one of my biggest fears going in to it- the potential for rage. To be specific, I was terrified that I would feel rage toward the birthmothers who attended. I was puzzled that the Weekend was structured for both adoptees and birthmothers together. I lived with such "full-time rage" anyway, and I imagined that the concept of "birthmother" could be one of the sources.
I arrived for the Weekend and discovered, in all of 10 minutes or less, that I had no feeling of anger, whatsoever, toward the birthmoms there. Even more suprisingly (if I could have been more suprised), I was comforted by their presence.
I think of this because, like Joe's workshop, the AAC Conference included both adoptees and birthmothers. I inquired with AAC President Eileen McQuade about the history of the conference and the organization, and she filled me in that, upon its inception in 1981, AAC was designed for all triad members.
Adoptees and birthmothers working through their experiences together seems like a natural fit to me now. A no-brainer. Moms and children aren't at odds with each other, they're at odds with their experiences. They're on two sides of a glass and can look to each other for understanding, reassurance, and support.
I'm wondering whether others who attended the conference have thoughts on this dynamic.
Joe's Healing Weekends are incredibly intense, and interpersonal, experiences. I remember trying to anticipate what the experince would be like, and one of my biggest fears going in to it- the potential for rage. To be specific, I was terrified that I would feel rage toward the birthmothers who attended. I was puzzled that the Weekend was structured for both adoptees and birthmothers together. I lived with such "full-time rage" anyway, and I imagined that the concept of "birthmother" could be one of the sources.
I arrived for the Weekend and discovered, in all of 10 minutes or less, that I had no feeling of anger, whatsoever, toward the birthmoms there. Even more suprisingly (if I could have been more suprised), I was comforted by their presence.
I think of this because, like Joe's workshop, the AAC Conference included both adoptees and birthmothers. I inquired with AAC President Eileen McQuade about the history of the conference and the organization, and she filled me in that, upon its inception in 1981, AAC was designed for all triad members.
Adoptees and birthmothers working through their experiences together seems like a natural fit to me now. A no-brainer. Moms and children aren't at odds with each other, they're at odds with their experiences. They're on two sides of a glass and can look to each other for understanding, reassurance, and support.
I'm wondering whether others who attended the conference have thoughts on this dynamic.
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