Espionage

I'm finishing up transcribing my recent chat with late-discovery adoptee Jenni Dyman, and in the meantime have noted an interesting parallel in the news- the recently discovered Russian spies/agents.

News articles report that some of the Russian spies living as couples have children together. So, depending on the age/cognitive level of the children, it would seem that the kids could be having a "late-discovery adoption experience" of sorts: the identities of their parents are false, or lies, or "adopted." The children must be asking the question, "Who does that make me?"

The scenario brings up questions I've always had regarding the occupations that require secrecy (and have the oaths to back it up). I'm acquainted with a few people who have jobs that "they could tell you about, but then they'd have to kill you". The very nature of their jobs holds me back from asking them, on a personal level, what makes them want to, or be willing to, function in an arena of secrecy.

Working for a good cause could naturally be a factor. I also wonder whether some people get a sense of power over others by possessing secrets? I wonder what it's like to lie down in bed at night with a spouse knowing that his/her workday- a huge portion of her/his life- is locked away in a box that can't be visited.

In the "adoption healing" circle we generally consider secrets to be toxic. In my personal life, I feel like no experience is real or at its fullest, no problem is truly "navigable," until it is shared. This isn't to say carte-blanch that Secrets are Bad. And my reality isn't everybody's and doesn't need to be. But my reality leaves me very curious as to how spies "tick".

Does anyone have thoughts/insights?

Late Discovery

For those of us who have "always" known we were adopted, adoption is an ingrained component (whether conscious or unconscious) of our identities. I can only try to imagine what it would be like to find out later in life. Maybe like dropping through a trap door. Then that feeling you get when you look at your feet while standing in shallow ocean waves- the water comes in, then draws the sand around your feet away with it, and you feel dizzy.

I've always been curious about the late-discovery experience, and the fact that “late discovery” has earned this unique designation has prompted me look for articles, stories, and research. (Via internet search, I’ve mostly landed on the Post Adoption Resource Centre, Australia- link below. I’m still searching for books.)

At some point following the spring American Adoption Congress conference, I had contacted AAC Representative Jenni Dyman- a fellow New Mexican and adoptee- and learned that she is a late-discovery adoptee. I told her I’d be interested in talking with her more at length about the subject at some point. The “some point” is here. We’re going to meet in Albuquerque next week and she’s agreed to do “an interview” with me, which we’ll publish to the blog. I look forward to meeting her. I’ve got so many questions.

http://www.bensoc.org.au/uploads/documents/why-wasnt-i-told-may2001.pdf

A Bumper Sticker

(*A follow-up to my entries on Clonebeing. After receiving the great comments from the book's author, Stephen Levick, I've come to discover his web site- do check it out- http://www.drlevick.com/.)

I saw a brightly colored bumper sticker on a car in the parking lot yesterday that said, "Adoption is Awesome". My reaction was, "No it isn't. What the hell are you talking about?" followed by, "Who/what could this be an advertisement for?"

Later I met an aquaintance in the parking lot and learned that it was her car. She's a great person- outgoing, cheerful, creative- and we had a fun chat. My wheels kept churning afterwards...

I know Allie and her husband are adoptive parents to at least one of their children, and I know this because they are white and their son is black. I wondered about what meaning/s the sticker might hold for her? What is she expressing? I guessed about possibilities...

1. She loves her kids like crazy. (she does)
2. She's not hung up about being an adoptive mom and wants to express her enthusiasm- adoption has been a wonderful experience for her.
3. She wants to say, "Yes, as you can see, my son is adopted. It's a great thing for us."
4. She works with a group or agency who facilitate adoptions and she has mostly positive associations with adoption.

I don't want to presume where she's coming from, but I do wonder if she gave consideration to how birthmoms and adoptees might respond to the sticker. If so, how did she resolve that it would be a good thing for all?

I'm glad she couldn't hear the "What the f&@!" in my head earlier.