Community- Talk about sensitive!...

I recently joined a national adoption-advocacy group. I’ve been enjoying the thought of the camaraderie of it and have been especially looking forward to attending my first national conference, (hosted by them).

A couple days ago, I had some confusion about using a feature of the organization’s web site and I e-mailed their contact person, asking her if she could re-send a previous e-mail I’d received explaining the new web feature. I received a reply, and it started like this-

“Dear Joy, I resent the welcome e-mail just now…” It continued with a reference to a web site separate from the group’s site. It also had an e-mail address attached that wasn’t obviously anything related to the organization. I was confused. Had my e-mail appeared as some sort of solicitation? What could have happened? I’d included my business name, Adoption Experience Workshop, only as a reference for them in finding my membership information. What in the world did I do?...

My logic was overtaken as I bristled with anxiety at the idea of being resented by someone in the group. Even if I had somehow sent something mistakenly, I couldn’t conceive of a professional opening a reply in such a way. I’d have to cancel my reservation for the conference, never renew my membership, everything and anything I could think of to protest the unprofessionalism- they’d have to fire that person before I’d renew!

In an earlier time in my life, I would have left it at that and I’d go off to fester on it for some time, feeling wounded and victimized. Fortunately, I’ve learned since then. Logic, returning to me quickly, had me on the telephone with the group’s president a few minutes after I read the e-mail. I apologized for my emotion, told her about the e-mail, and explained that I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. The president caught on quickly to the content of the e-mail. (You may have guessed it by now, too.) The sender meant to say “re-sent,” not “resent.” I hadn’t thought of a type-o. Talk about sensitive!

I apologized to the president and, able to laugh at myself, (a long, hard-won skill), I said, “Wow, I really am a typical over-sensitive adoptee!” She mentioned that the sender of the e-mail was also an adoptee and would never have meant to hurt or offend. I pictured the sender, a fellow adoptee, and smiled to myself. I was back in the Community again.

Have you had experiences where you questioned your belongingness in a group, later to understand that your insecurities were “all in your head,” so to speak? What did it take- time, or accomplishments, or lots of reassurance from other members- to help you really feel comfortable? Did you ever consider that insecurity arising from adoption issues could have been, to some extent, at play?