Posts
A conversation with a counsellor friend of mine yesterday has my inner-wheels turning. She was remarking that in recent interactions on adoption with 5 young (~17-22) adoptees, she observed a markedly different "comfort level" than that she has seen in those of my generation (40's).
The chats my friend was having with the adoptees weren't counselling sessions, so their scope was narrow. But the little corridor she was able to experience could be compared like this; as a teen, if asked about my sensibility on being an adoptee, I may have (and did) said something like "I'm glad she gave me up!" The vibe that went with the proclamation was anger, denial, and protectiveness of my adoptive parents and my membership in their family. Today, when these young adoptees were asked about their "adoptedness," they exuded calm as they expressed- "It's what she needed to do. I'm ok with it."
My counsellor friend's speculation is that that the difference is related to the absence of stigma in adoption today. We're both left wondering what this generation's experience will be 10, 20 years from now, if or when they become "searchers," and what reunion experience might be like for them. "Reality" takes such shifts from one generation to the next. I'm left wondering to what extent I, or my generation, can be helpful to the next in their quests for their truths.
Interesting conversation you had with your friend :-)
ReplyDeleteI think adoption is still heavily stigmatized today. Perhaps in different ways and in a more covert manner. And thus, children may be more free to express themselves without negative repercussions, even if surrounding society still doesn't "get it."
I think children express their opinions on adoption as is developmentally appropriate for them (and for any given child, that could mean/manifest as a different thing, even in the same age group). "Being Adopted: the Lifelong Search for Self" I feel explains this really well. Kids go from being very young and positive about adoption, to showing angrier feelings about adoption in pre-teen years when they start to understand logical concepts, to more acceptance as teenagers, to the need for search, wholeness and geneological continuity as adults (especially after major life events like weddings and childbirth happen).
I think adoptees have a tougher time at each stage of development than do the biologically-raised. Perhaps in today's environment of increased openness and increased honesty (and more acceptance and realizatin that adoptees do indeed experience a deep loss), the transition from one stage of development to another for adoptees is easier?
Just my ramblings :-)