Against Adoption?

When I visit blogs on adoption and if I like the tone and the work of blog, I like to visit some of that blog's links. My most recent visit took me to "Adopters Against Adoption". The site entries date to 2003, and the organization may no longer exist. The existing entries are sobering. The site seems to be (or have been) an outlet for adoptive parents who have been traumatized by their adoptive parenting experiences. Whereas adoptive parents usually strive to identify, in their minds, their children as "their own," the Adopters Against Adoption are focused on the "not-mine-ness" of their families.

The "Adopters Against Adoption" are angry. They're angry because the facilitators of their children's adoptions did not provide them with complete information on the children's histories. Entries on the blog tell stories of adopted children having dire medical and emotional illness, or histories of sociopathic behavior. The adoptive parents are angry that they do not receive adequate financial, institutional, and/or emotional assistance in dealing with the children. In some cases, parents or others even need protection from the children. Some of the adoptive parents are frustrated that they can't return the children to the institutions from which they were adopted. Some adopters conclude that if they had to do it all over again, they wouldn't. For any adoptee who could understand such an adoptive parent's wish, it would be the ultimate indignity. Meanwhile, this scenario is RARE, and the "if I could do it over again" sentiment points to something very validating for those of us with losses resulting from adoption.

On the surface, the "Adopters" are, to a great extent, looking for an "out". The family that has been invented for them is grossly less than "satisfying". The coping mechanism of the "He/she's not really mine" could understandably protect these adoptive parents, psychologically. Though I didn't see that any of the "Adopters" wanted to renounce their children entirely from their lives, their awareness of adoptive status had much to do with their efforts toward receiving assistance and absolution. Debilitating illness became a defining factor in how the "family" was defined.

A family of nature can't escape facing severe mental/physical illness through the escape-valve of "it's not my fault", or it's not my problem". What happens when parents of nature reach a point of inability to cope with or answer to their offspring's health? Do some of them tear their clothes and renounce their relationships? If so, I imagine those parents would be within the vast minority. Likewise with the "Adopters Against Adoption," I suspect that a remote few make the "sold a bill of goods" thing any kind of focus. This blog did, however, raise some interesting points to think on.