Drama of the Gifted Child

Once in a while, when I see a small child standing quietly, wide-eyed, and curious, I find myself suddenly overtaken with anger. It's a feeling of wanting to say, "Don't you realize how vulnerable you are!? Can't you be a little more vigilant? What's wrong with you?" Then I consciously chase my racing mind down, grab my own arm, and tell myself to calm down. I remind myself that what I'm seeing in the child is myself, young, innocent, vulnerable. I know this to be true but nevertheless feel awful that I directed my feelings toward some other, small, person.

I've always felt ashamed of myself when I've had this experience and would never have talked about it, up until this point. Now, I'm reading Alice Miller's "The Drama of the Gifted Child".

The experience I've described is exactly what Miller's book is all about, (although I still haven't seen mention of what the "gifted" part of the title means and I'm halfway through the book). Miller describes how people replay the drama of their own vulnerabilities over and over in life, projecting their own realities onto others or turning their feelings of pain, fear, and humiliation on themselves, depriving themselves of self esteem.

I've heard "repetition compulsion" addressed before. Hearing about it through Alice Miller's more detailed accounts is really illuminating. I encourage anyone who's ever questioned her/his "negative" responses to life situations to read this book! It could be a life-changer.